it goes without saying

isn't it funny?
the things you notice, no one else even mentions
i've stretched my arm out
straight and long with a flat, aggressive palm
and nothing living pushes back anymore
run water through the grounds again
and watch the weakness spread
i'll still take it
with such quiet complaint
you'd have to squint to hear

it is what i am

it is tired
seeking
searching
waiting
and done
wondering when the next train comes
all this same is nothing different
and in my head something is hurt

brain pain

i really did it this time
tumble bumble toil and stumble
down down i go
remembering nothing
causing a ruckus
havoc
flashing lights and sirens
one could imagine
and now?
i'm a bit dumber
and sore
put in my place
faced with a darkness
i can't quite put my finger on the pulse of it all

grab ass

sounds of the razor
untamed excitement
a need to be brass
loud
seen
heard and dealt with
waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting
always i'm living for the future
until the present grabs me by the balls and shakes me around
and says "you're here! here you are! there's nothing and no one and nowhere else!"

there is something we're hiding from. don't let them fool you with the common shit. it's not yourself. it's not your past. it's not your future. it's not commitment.
it's the
Left
Un-
Done
i felt the need for unavoidable rhythmic pause. sorry.
it's so much the undone that you can't even think to mourn it.
until you're mourning something else. then here comes regret.
it's usually gentle for me, i guess, for the most part. or i handle it.
but i don't think i've ever had a mourning that cut me. maybe my dog. i mean i know it did at the time. but i also feel bad mourning my dog more than any person i've known who has died. i don't get to know many people personally.
which sucks.

i don't know why. i try or i kinda try. so i guess i do know why. i want people to approach me. and they never do. it's weird. i have no idea how people see me until i make myself known. and not so much even then.