Explosions

Today I held my tongue
But then I unleashed it
Today I tried to freeze some chili
But forgot to cool it
It exploded
I took no photos

I think it was a prophecy

 

April 20, 2007

shut in.

i'd just gotten home from work about 20 minutes earlier, and i decided to take a walk to amazing grace to get some dinner.  when i stepped out of my gate, i saw that old man moped was on his front steps. i said hello. he said something like "when's the last time you were out?"  i said, "what?" he said "you never leave your house anymore." i said, "well i leave it everyday for work." he looked surprised, "you work?" by now my face has to look like i'm staring at a plateful of retarded mashed potatoes. exactly. totally confused.
"yeah. i work. all day. ever since i moved in here. for two years. same place."
"oh, i thought you were becoming a shut in. i thought you were probably laid up in there depressed." then he laughed.
i wasn't sure what to say besides, "no, not at all."
then i walked off.

what the fuck?

salena said it was a prophecy. i'd prefer to think that he and i live in different universes that only align once every 6 months or so. that's why he never sees me.

UPDATE: Apparently Salena was right. This man was a prophet. Lord knows what he'd think if he was my neighbor now.

Rich Bitches and Angels

April 24, 2007

rich bitches and angels

so i'll start by saying, i'm crazy.

today, as i was leaving value market, i was nearly plowed into on purpose by a crazy old rich lady.
i was stopped at the light that allows traffic from midcity mall onto bardstown. traffic was backed up and the lady to my left had stopped behind the traffic light, so as not to congest the intersection. how considerate of her.  i kept an eye on both traffic lights, as most impatient types typically do, and as i saw her light turn yellow, the following logic unfolded in my skull: the traffic to my right has yet to move, my light will be turning green in about 20 seconds, the nice lady to my left is obviously trying not to block the intersection = i can go ahead and take a right and secure my place in the bumper to bumper traffic.  as i pull out, the opposing light turns red. before my light turns green crazy rich bitch decides to floor it and aims her ugly silver suv right at my smaller, more efficent, more enviromentally friendly silver suv. i had to cut my wheel to the right into the parking lane just to get away from her, then reverse, so she could fit into the space around me.
normally, i avoid confrontation. however, i was feeling spicy.  when she turned onto Longest, i decided to follow her. as we came to the first stop sign, i saw her big, stupid, frightened eyes appear in the side mirror. she pulled out a cell phone. this infuriated me all the more.  i continued to follow her. we went on a fifteen minute loppty loo around the park... i thought this bitch was in a hurry. why are we taking the scenic route?  finally she leads me to the intersection of lexington and grinstead. she was going to take the interstate. we were stopped at a light. there was no where for her to go. i unbuckle my seat belt. i think "i'm so stupid!" and simultanousely think "i'll kill you with a hammer!" as i open my door. i slip easily into teacher face as i knock on her window. i'm going to insist on an apology. she screams and jumps as my fist raps out a quick "knock knock knock." i take great pleasure from watching her trembling hands fumble for the automatic door locks.  she yells, "Go away!"
i pantomime through the window "I just wanted to see where you were in such a hurry to get." She screams, "I had the right of way!"
my pantomime continues "oh, so you decided to ram into my car? that's real smart. you're real smart." I emphasize her brain power by repeatedly pointing to and tapping my own head.
then the light changed and it was all over. well almost. i did call the police on the bitch. yes i did. fucking whore cunt.

i thought the demon visited me. perhaps to kill me for my wrongs. but instead it was the angel. to bring regret to the surface. to make me see what love really could have been.

I Went to the Grocery Store (and other exciting tales)

More   May 6, 2007

i went to the grocery store (and other exciting tales)

davey was sprawled over his lane, elbows resting on the scanner, face resting in hands, and hips pumping back and forth to the tinny sound of "that's the way (uhhuh uhhuh) i like it".  davey was a bit chubby, clad in too tight black pants with a suspiciously curvy cut in the waist and hip.  when i entered his line, he looked me straight in the eyes and continued to shake his hips, side to side. i said "hello" in a strange, rushed way as i set my basket on the conveyor.   he licked his lips, then erected his upper body, so he was standing. as he took my items out of my basket, i worried that he was judging my selections. i imagined his internal diaologue "frozen meals? aw honey, how sad. at least you're trying to watch that figure... maybe you should hit the gym, then maybe you'll land yourself a man .... corn pops? you might like to think you're still a teeniebop, but have you looked in the mirror?... i hope you got some oil of olay in this basket." at this point, i imagine davey was suppressing a nasty little smirk... "ooh what have we here? tiny cans of pepsi and organic milk. someone likes to think she's hip. well look at these hips.... you ain't got nothing on davey"
but davey was efficient, and i appreciated that. as soon as i swiped my card, davey was ready... "credit or debit?"  as davey carefully tucked my items into a paperbag he'd specially selected because my stuff would "fit better," i began to think i was mistaken. surely sweet davey wasn't judging me. i was judging him. which is lame. and i was judging myself as him. which is lame and pretty fucking crazy.

sometimes, i'll think i'm fine... then i go to the grocery store and something about it makes me break inside and i go a little crazy. it happened tonight, not just with davey, but also when i saw that they were out of honey nut cheerios. i got choked up. suddenly the dreaded grocery store tears were invading my face. as we all know, grocery store tears are the worst. i knew i wasn't crying over the fucking cheerios but for god's sake, what kind of grocery store runs out of honey nut cheerios? if i don't start dealing with my feelings in a more direct way, i'm going to be a nut. honey. cheerio.

on the way to the car, my hand selected paper bag broke. i knew davey was out to get me.

Actual vs. Planned

What I planned to do today:

• exerecise
• clean the house
• do the laundry
• work on art
• practice guitar

What I've actually done today:

• drank 8 cups of coffee
• watched several episodes of Roseanne
• ate a ham sandwich
• spent 4 hours on the internet, reading the news, perusing my old blogs, generally wasting time and digging up gems like this:

Technology Scares Me + Religion Scares Me = The Pope Blessed an iPhone App

and this...

Can you believe this is DJ? From Roseanne? Is it just me or did he grow up to be sort of handsome? Remember his teen years?















I also think I'm going to start reblogging my old Myspace blogs.  It's only a matter of time before that site totally disappears and most of my twenties are housed there.


For now, I'll just leave you with this one.  It took me forever to scan and I probably broke some of God's laws by not following the directions.

May 21, 2007

my mom told me to check my mail...

as we were getting off the phone. so i remembered as i walked past my mail box to peak inside. amoung a few circulars, i saw this:



at first i thought it must be some kind of christian loan company - which i found really amusing, but then i turned to the back:



and got a little creeped out. of course i really wanted to know if there was a hankerchief inside and i was curious to see if lightening would strike if i opened the sealed prophecy. who knew mail could be so mysterious?

upon opening the letter, i begin leafing through it and quickly realize there is no handkerchief... then i found this -



so the hankie is paper. that's kind of lackluster isn't it?

next i began reading this letter.





after reading about his drunken father, i thought back to the fact that my mother had reminded me to check my mail... was she behind this? maybe the answer lay waiting inside my SEALED personal prophecy from god?



of course i had to know what my SEALED personal prophecy from god said - even though it was covered in warnings not to open it until after i'd followed the ritualistic stuff... so i broke the SEAL and found



needless to say, i was pretty let down that my personal prophecy seemed so damn generic. god totally doesn't get me. i need to feel unique, individual, special.

in all seriousness though... what's the gimmick? there's only a small spot in which people can donate to god's cause. i wonder if they slowly suck you in as you respond? i might have to send back my hankie in my postage paid envelope just to see what kind of cult this really is.

Stupid Things I Have Said in an Attempt to Make Things More Favorable for Myself but Which Had the Opposite Effect

Me: Ewww.

Byron: What?

Me: I just found this old, dried up, snotty tissue in my pocket. Ugh. There's one in the other pocket too!

Byron: You're gross.

Me: No. It's not mine. I just collect old tissues... that I find. That's less gross, right?

Byron: Sure.

dormant stages

 A butterfly, in all of its various life stages, lives for approximately six weeks.  The chrysalis stage, which may become a dormant period for the pupa, lasts about ten days.   This means almost a quarter of a butterfly's life may be spent in dormancy, with all growth and movement temporarily stopped, before the emergence into its final, and many would agree most beautiful and visually memorable, stage of life.

in other words...

healing - So many Greek goddesses personified it...

Althaia, Althaea, or Althea - Greek in origin,  a plant with healing properties, or the Greek Goddess of Truth, who unfortunately could not prevent her son's death and later killed herself... funny that her name is still associated with healing. 

Hygeia               
Iaso
Panaceia
Epione
Aegle
Aceso
Achelois



all healers or those who drove away pain...

Designs for the future!

 Before one project is finished my mind is already moving onto the next. Even though my soon to be decreased income demands the start of this next one will be years away, there's no harm in planning.

The door that now houses our leftovers and debris will one day lead to a room of travel and study. A very small room with lots of information. 

We will, of course, need a beautiful map  

and an array of clocks.

What else?

Shelves for books. I've got a thing for the floating ones. Some mind-warming paint. No definite color yet.  I've been very into orange lately.  Let's see...lots of picture frames to show our travel photos.  (I just found out you can bulk order them from the Dollar Tree for a $1 a piece. That's cheaper than thrift stores! Considering we need like a zillion, this is very good news. Maybe buying in bulk is not as personal, but I can wield a can of spray paint and I have been known to decoupage.)

This room will become the gateway to the now unfinished attic.  Adding stairs will certainly decrease the space, but I've gotten used to working with small spaces while remodeling.  Small spaces demand hidden nooks and sneaky places to tuck things away.  I think these stairs are brilliant and I don't know why anyone ever made stairs that didn't have drawers.

The stairs will lead somewhere... I've still got years to plan.

it goes without saying

isn't it funny?
the things you notice, no one else even mentions
i've stretched my arm out
straight and long with a flat, aggressive palm
and nothing living pushes back anymore
run water through the grounds again
and watch the weakness spread
i'll still take it
with such quiet complaint
you'd have to squint to hear

basment music room ideas

the six of them

i am slightly nervous
about the strings

it is what i am

it is tired
seeking
searching
waiting
and done
wondering when the next train comes
all this same is nothing different
and in my head something is hurt

brain pain

i really did it this time
tumble bumble toil and stumble
down down i go
remembering nothing
causing a ruckus
havoc
flashing lights and sirens
one could imagine
and now?
i'm a bit dumber
and sore
put in my place
faced with a darkness
i can't quite put my finger on the pulse of it all

grab ass

sounds of the razor
untamed excitement
a need to be brass
loud
seen
heard and dealt with
waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting
always i'm living for the future
until the present grabs me by the balls and shakes me around
and says "you're here! here you are! there's nothing and no one and nowhere else!"

i want it

chair for hot tub deck

Sometimes, even the most real things,
a photograph you remember taking,
can begin to seem
like only a dream

shake hands

it's a shame for this paper

this paperles paper
that still takes a message
like piss on a park bench
like edge on a sewer
you're walking out darkly
you head straight to newer
sights sounds and tastes make
one hell of a border
there's nothing to wonder
when your whole world is wander
(the distance is small but incredibly scary)
if you want them to listen
better make it bigger (that sentence expands like a megaphone)

what a little romance can do...

so right now

i think i may be hearing things
afraid to sit up
afraid to be in range
there's nothing wrong with nothing
everything is
what're you saying

there's nothing to talk about
you satnd in smile
i'll stand in doubt
there's really nothing
left to say
there's nothing left to
talk
aaaaaaaa
booooout.

except you got me
second guessin
nothing is censored
let's hear about it
there's nothing i haven't heard before
except i never heard
that
 before,
not at all

you just got ta have rhythm. there's nothing you can envision except a beautiful prison
with gold bars and sequined jisism.  oah there's nothing if you say there's nothing.
you'll cause such a
bad habit
they'll say you moved at sounds that sounded habitual.
you'll say you moved at sounds that left you without a choice.

habit
rabbit
babbit
 abbott
dagnabit